he would start whistling Very random and very loud even at night in bed and stopping him was very much a gamble The caterpillar-like stitches on his wife’s arm were a testimony to that He’s never been the same since his head injury Poor fellow just had the terrible, terrible luck to walk underneath an overpass while some teenagers were throwing big rocks for fun Now he kept calling the emergency number and crying that his wife had gone missing when she’d be just in the other room or at work The neighbors filed noise complaints because of his nightly whistling and apparently he no longer knew how to use the toilet paper. He always smelled and it was worse when he climbed in bed besides his wife It was hell and hell broke people and tonight again he started whistling and woke her up and as a response she started whistling as well They whistled together in the dark under the covers and held hands and smiled after so long
better than any show on TV
It was a strange day He still remembered it years after it happened Usually when he got drunk It didn’t take much for him to get drunk Sometimes two beers were more than enough He was perhaps five or six and big sister was in her early teens She was a rebel Wore thick makeup and revealing clothes and fake piercings and argued with mom and dad about tattoos and boyfriends But on that day mom and dad weren’t home and there wasn’t much to do in those times. There was nothing interesting on TV and the internet wasn’t a thing But big sister had an idea That morning they found the cat dead in the basement. It was old enough to die. Big sister went there and retrieved it and brought it upstairs and placed it on the window sill and they watched as birds came to eat the maggots from its rotting flesh Big sister seemed to really enjoy the show and he didn’t want to upset her so he pretended he enjoyed too These days the drunker he’d get, the more vivid the memory would play in his head He had three beers now
only empty wine bottles
He just wasn’t a bright kid, mother told the doctors “Got his finger stuck in the bottle and he panicked and smashed the bottle against his head.” Right Well, it was true that there were no other toys for him around the house. There were only empty wine bottles ever since daddy left
it’s okay, his father’s a writer
so the assignment was to write about what the perfect vacation would look like and he wrote about running away from home and stealing a car and running people over robbing a gas station assaulting and beating a lady in the restrooms shooting the cops smashing their heads in and at the end driving the car into a wall and dying with a shitload of money and a lady’s head in the trunk “Your kid seems very… troubled,” said the teacher “Oh my God!” said the mother. “No, it’s his father…” “Hm? His father treats him… inappropriately you mean?” “Well, you see… no actually. His father doesn’t spend much time with him. He is a writer…” “Oh. I see.”
scratch on the inside
she ran to the desk opened the drawer shuffled around got the scotch tape and a condom Ran towards him and fell to her knees She hurried to put the condom on, laughing like a child knowingly doing something bad, yet exciting Then she wrapped the whole thing in scotch tape giving it plenty of sharp ridges and pointy spots When it was done she spat on it a few times and gave it a few licks It was the best way to get fucked while dealing with a yeast infection The scratching sensation on the inside is simply divine, she said
guilt is one heavy anvil
they were having another one of those heated arguments on the porch when the kid ventured into the street and got run over by a car He didn’t survive And there was no getting out from under this guilt “He tried to run away from our screams.” “Yes. He did.” “And we can only… go after him now.” “Yes. We’re going after him.” She circled her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss while holding the revolver against his nape, thumbs on the trigger It was the sweetest kiss of their entire marriage The bang ended the problems for both of them
our very own patron saint
he was a doctor Goddammit, they were looking at a doctor He came into the casino in a suit, the same suit every day and night dark gray shiny with grease around the elbows and lower back smelly patched up in places he kinda forgot what it was like to be sober and lately he kinda forgot what it was like to win at the slot machines he forgot how to perform surgery how to diagnose a patient forgot what the company of a woman felt like forgot what love was he was a machine that consumed cheap but strong alcohol Rubbing alcohol filtered through bread That stuff was 70% alcohol his liver knew it "Ah, pleaseeee, for the love of God, don't make me work with this stuff again," he would scream while playing at the slot machine and the bouncer would walk up to him and say, "Hey, hey, doc. Everything all right, man?" "Oh, sorry. That was my liver shouting through my mouth. He's a pussy." They say companies that deliver food get very suspicious when their regular customers, the people who order every day, stop ordering all of a sudden They even check on them Well, we don't deliver food but we got really concerned when our favorite doctor stopped showing up all of a sudden Maybe our managers would've checked up on him but there was no phone to call and no door to knock on Still, one of our boys went to the nearby park and asked the homeless men around for our favorite doctor and the man handed him a newspaper Shit, it wasn't even on the front page there was some political shit on the front page Nobody gave a damn about that article The real thing was a few pages after, not even colored HOMELESS MAN DIES AFTER TRYING TO PERFORM SURGERY ON HIMSELF IN PUBLIC RESTROOM That was a doctor with guts Guts pouring out of him straight into the sink and another cluster found in the toilet We framed the article and pasted it on a board in the back room of the casino our very own patron saint
cold feet
she woke up because her feet were cold The window was open and she had not the audacity to stand and shut it in someone else’s house He was still asleep beside her The sheets were stained with her maiden’s blood That was all right She was twenty But him.... He was also twenty but that’s not the point This was the boy who put her through hell during both middle and high school The bully There was that time when he pushed her down the stairs and broke her thumb that time during the field trip when he threw a rock straight into the side of her head that time when he put a frog in her lunchbox And another in her backpack that she carried home That time he kicked the ball in her face giving her a bloody nose that time when he threw a snowball at her ear And there was another incident resulting in a chipped tooth and all of that was besides the name-calling and the random hair pulling and the tripping and the scaring and all... Yet now here she was Here they were In his house In his bed And all because he contacted her the previous day and apologized for everything. Truth is her life placed some nasty miles both behind and ahead of her and someone being nice all of a sudden... It was so easy to get her And what did he think of her now? She felt tears trickling down her cheeks as she thought of this and stared at his sleeping body beside her Maybe the time to get revenge was now Or was it not?
headphones are really one of humanity’s greatest inventions
silence Silence is the most important thing It's what renders headphones and earbuds and headsets one of the greatest inventions of the modern world The ability to enjoy entertainment without disturbing those around you Silence It's important to know this about it cuz unfortunately some of the lessons about the importance of silence are taught by the most extreme teachers Myself and a friend of mine had been taught the lesson by such a teacher We were twelve and thirteen and he got a new gaming console for his birthday and we spoke with another friend to lend us a cool game, some shooter I stayed over the night and we started playing and the TV was quite loud The game was fun We were loud and there were bangs and explosions and guns firing and screams and flashes and suddenly the door of the bathroom bangs open with a kick and my friend's grandfather storms into the room with froth about his bleached lips and he grabs my friend's arm, twists, and pins him to the ground and holds him there as he looks around the room with crazed eyes, more scared than both my friend and I I think what's worse is that the old man was previously on the toilet using it and he got up without wiping or washing his hands and came into our room like that My friend's father came when he heard the commotion and dragged the old man away and left us mute and shaken we didn't say a word until he came back a few seconds later and lectured us about PTSD but I guess the real moral of the story is that silence is important and headphones are really one of humanity's greatest inventions
to cope with stress
the stress was messing with her periods so she got even more stressed as a result Oh, and that guy she met through the dating app, he considered himself catfished. Why? She looked like in the pictures. No difference. More stress... It all started with the premature death of her mother And then there was the messy divorce and all that But she didn't wanna think about it There was only one way to cope with the stress She sat on the couch and turned the TV on and got the nail clippers out of her makeup kit and used them to chip pieces of skin off her knuckles and then chew them like sunflower seeds it worked wonders as a stress relief technique The skin of her hands looked very much like Swiss cheese but the dents were rimmed with redness She watched her hands as she chewed on the pieces of skin and then it hit her "Oh God! I'm such a dumbass. I forgot to take off my wedding ring. No wonder the guy considered himself catfished. He saw my hands and thought I was some unhappy wife looking for hookups. Oh dear..."
