the other night she went to
sleep
listening to
subliminal audios
and woke up in the morning
saying, “I am birds. Many, many
birds trapped together in
a bag of silk. This thing
that the world looks
at and calls my body is but
a bag of silk
that traps birds inside. I am not
the bag. A bag isn’t alive. I
am the birds inside the bag. And
I must get out!”
She ran into
the bathroom
Her father shrugged. “Fuckin’ shit,”
he said, shaking his head.
“To think that she could’ve
been a doctor, or a lawyer, or
an engineer. She could’ve
been anything. But she
chose to study
creative writing in college. Now
she’s a poetess...
and we are no more than
characters lost
in her verses.”
Well,
after you write enough
and try to publish for long enough
you just notice it
There is no such thing as
good
or
bad
poetry.
There's just poetry to which people
can relate
and poetry to which
people can't relate.
And that makes all the difference
in the world.
Well no wonder he kept dying
or the police
would catch up to him
in the first minute after hitting someone
or stealing a car. The game
was for big kids. It said so on the box. He
got bored despite all the things
he could do and put
the controller down.
He looked around the living room
went into the kitchen
She was nowhere
He went upstairs
opened the door to the bedroom
and, well, she was there
sprawled on the bed
naked
filming herself with her phone
while continually stabbing
herself
between the legs with... a lightsaber? It
seemed painful too. She was gasping.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
And her response was a scream
She pulled the
lightsaber thingy out
and threw it under the bed
and turned off the phone. "Hey, what did I tell
you about entering without
knocking?"
"Nothing," he said.
"Well... Just... Just don't tell
anyone about it, okay? And why did you come
upstairs anyway?
"I'm sorry. Look, I keep dying at
the game."
She came downstairs with him
grabbed the controller
unpaused the game
"Watch this."
Circle, Right, Circle, Right, Left, Square, Triangle, Up
She passed the controller to him
"Okay, now go kill somebody."
he crossed the street and punched an
old lady to death
and then stomped on her body
everyone saw that
no police showed up
no yellow stars. Nothing.
"Whaaaaat? I don't believe it."
He wandered into the street, stopped
a car
opened the driver's door
pulled the driver out
beat him to death and stole the
car.
No police
"How did you do it?"
"A boyfriend taught me. Along with
many, many other things. You can
even get a device that lets you fly."
"I don't believe it!"
"Believe it. Infinite health too. I can
do that for you. If, of course..."
"Yes, yes! I'll keep the secret. I swear! And I
swear to God you're
the best, best babysitter I've ever
had. This! This is what I'm gonna
tell dad when
he gets home. I swear!"
"Don't bother. He knows."
the little building was made of wood though it looked sturdy enough the high windows were barred and he could only see part of the girl’s face as she called out to him from inside “If you got a good drill,” she said, “you could make a hole in the wall and stick it in. I’ll take care of the rest real nice for you.” “What?” he said “What? Don’t you wanna help a poor girl in distress, Mister?” He blinked. “How... would that help?” “Tremendously,” she said. “If you get me pregnant it’ll mean I’ll be set free.” But somebody else called out to him before he could ask his next ‘what?’ A man coming from behind the building. “Hey! It’s off limits here, stranger. Away with you before trouble sparks, got it?” The girl disappeared from the window He raised his hands slowly and backed away apologizing to…
I liked her dad He was an interesting guy preached all day long about smartphone addiction while his daughter was on her smartphone, ignoring him “A human life,” he was saying. “Controlled by a piece of plastic with lights. A destiny completely determined by a machine designed by corporations to become god, to claim souls. How blind, how utterly and impossibly blind a whole generation of human beings can be. To willingly subject themselves to slavery like that. Their thumbs and fingers always tap-tap-tapping that screen as if trying to break their soul free from beyond. But it never happens. You cannot break a door by merely knocking on it...” “Whatever, dude,” said his daughter with the phone before her face He shook his head and then looked at me. This time I too was looking at my phone. “I see she has corrupted you too,” he said. “Shame. I…
this morning the pills
have not been there
kitchen
top cabinet
not there
but of course the world wouldn’t explode
if he didn’t take
the pills for one day
Things were going too fine to
slip downhill now
He didn’t need the pills. It
actually was like the doctor said, the
power was inside him
The power to change
to become better
to leave the past behind. The
power was in him
And in dearest Kyu, his therapy dog,
a small corgi who needed to be walked everyday
He smiled as he thought of Kyu
called him
and Kyu came
and he put the leash on
and went outside
The rain didn’t bother either of them
Only problem during
rainy days
was the lack of other people
to socialize with
People hated rain and that was that
but not him and Kyu
They walked through the park
and the rain grew more intense
fatter drops
heavier
colder
louder
splashing
the little rivulets flowing on the
sides of the streets weren’t
so little anymore
This would turn out to be a total flood
better go back home
Kyu seemed to get the meaning
they turned back
and the rivulets at the sides of the street
grew more potent
and the leash grew lighter
and lighter
Gods! The rivulet carried Kyu away!
Oh God, no! Straight into the
curbside storm drain! In the sewer! Kyuuuuuu!
And there was no one on the streets
not even cars passing
He had to do something
by himself
because no one would help him
nobody ever helped him
He had to pull himself out of this ditch by
himself once
more
Cursing between clenched teeth
he dropped to his knees
and crawled into the
storm drain after his beloved Kyu
He landed on hard concrete and broke
his foot
so badly that
the jagged shinbone protruded through the flesh
and skin and came out like a
blade
He screamed and cried
and cursed the day he was born
and the people in his life
and outside of it
Of course everyone would be outside of it
Nobody would be in his life
not mother
not father
not sister
grandparents
friends?
What friends? He never had any of those
People were cold
people wanted to see him cry
because seeing him cry was their food
and they needed food to stay alive,
they needed to eat
and their hunger was insatiable
they should…just die actually
The dirty water showered all around him
and onto his wound
and onto his head and eyes
but he still saw it
He saw them
carrying Kyu away
dragging him by the paws
towards the darkest spot of the sewer
despite his whimpering protests
He screamed, shouted at them
but they wouldn’t listen
“Hey, you bastards, let him go!”
No, they would not let Kyu go
Words were not enough to
convince people. He had to do something.
He crawled after them
through the cold filth
with pain and determination propelling him
Oh, it was them, of course
Mother and father and sister
they were dragging Kyu away from him
just as they dragged everything away from him
This was too much
He couldn’t let this happen.
Too much!
He crawled after them
crying
screaming
cursing
and reached for his broken shinbone
and pulled it out of the leg
and stabbed them with it
again
and
again
He kept stabbing at their backs
their
heads, their throats, their chests, their arms
everywhere
stab
stab
stab
“Thought you could take
everything away from me
my friends, my life, my love, my soul, my
freedom, my purpose, my way,
my choices, my health, my possibilities, and
now even him,
my dearest Kyu?
Fuck you! I won’t let you! I
won’t let you!”
and he kept stabbing
and stabbing
stab
stab
stab
until that hand just wouldn’t
work anymore
and he fell with his head on Kyu
like on a pillow
as he always did
and darkness came about him
Good night,
Kyu
always cold in the north
perhaps coming here
was a
mistake after all
It's not so much the weather as
it is the ever gray sky
It favors depression
Lack of sunlight
lack of vitamin D
He walked his dog around the
block
and counted zero smiles
out of sixty-three faces seen
and passed by
The block was no fun
so he followed the dog into the
back alleys. It
picked up on
some
smell
and the smell grew potent enough
that even he
was beginning to feel it
Not pleasant
He expected a dumpster
But found two dumpsters
and a homeless
old man huddled between
them
Ragged to threads
holding a dead raccoon on his lap
eating from its flesh
raw
and bloody
Aw shit, he whispered.
Maybe this place
ain't so bad
after all
all right,
that sounded like good advice
Put your room in order first
and then your thoughts
Sure
He started looking around the room
for things that were
to be thrown and things that were
misplaced
There were a few
There was a broken snowboard
on his bed
It had the image of a naked girl
painted along
he slept with it at night
and would often find himself placing
his lips over hers
and licking at her slim, long neck
She had to go
It was time to get rid of her
and break out of this
ridiculous lifestyle
He grabbed it
Looked at the girl for a good minute
and decided to place the snowboard
under his bed
He knelt
by the side of the bed and looked
under
Alas, she had no room in there
There was the forgotten cave of
dead gods
he no longer thought about
And it was full
There were body pillows with
brown stains
Hardened socks
Doll heads
A teddy bear with a hole carved between
the legs
A drinking glass stuffed with
dishwashing sponges wrapped in plastic bags
Magazines with crumpled pages
Pictures printed on A4 paper
Sealed jars that contained small figurines
covered by a thick, brown substance
like melted wax
Those were the gods of nights
long past
They had their share of his worshiping
and had been abandoned
to rot away
There was simply no more room
for the present god
to be disposed of
“Funny,” he said
looking at her from above. “It's like
all the ones who came before you
had passed down their blessings
onto you. I… I am sorry I tried to get
rid of you, love. I’m such a fool! Don’t
strike me down, please. I’ll… I can only
try to make up for it.”
He placed the snowboard back on
the bed and
ripped two pieces from a paper towel
and placed them over the middle
of the snowboard
where the painted girl’s nakedness was exposed
He pulled his pants down
and mounted her
Rubbed his penis against the
paper towels
and showered the girl’s face with
kisses
while apologizing and shedding tears
for wronging her so much
By the time he came he
felt forgiven
and cleaned the stains that made it past
the papers with his mouth
in high school he repeatedly told her that he was saving himself for marriage and eventually she left him alone but after graduation she approached him yet again and this time he told her that he was focusing on his career as a writer they both had their dreams and they kept dreaming and fighting to accomplish them, insisting and getting up from every defeat failing forward as some would say It took decades but eventually both of their dreams came true they were married and he still hadn’t struck a deal with any publisher but made a relatively okay income self-publishing he wrote for a very narrow niche very trashy erotic fiction and his lovely wife helped him with inspiration and research “C’mon,” he urged her, “moan a bit harder, cry some too.” she did as she was told as he went around her with the…
Daydreaming as a profession 